Broken Wings
by kerianne
Summary: An AU of the plot of X, beginning at the January 2002 Asuka installment. Deals mainly with Sorata/Arashi, Aoki/Karen and Sakurazukamori!Subaru, although other pairings and characters will probably also be featured. Chapter 3 uploaded... finally. ^^;;;
1. Chapter One

Title: Broken Wings

Author: Kerianne H.

Spoilers: Make sure you're up to date on happenings in the latest Asuka installments. If you aren't, you'll be spoiled, and the fic won't make sense besides. o.O

Warnings: Shounen-ai, death, insanity

Chapter One:

She awakened slowly, when the first rays of a hesitantly rising sun crept across the bed and onto her face. At first she couldn't quite remember where she was, or what she was doing there; the room was blindingly white and pristine, so much so that it hurt her eyes for a moment.

She tried to sit up, and found then that she was not alone.

That realization was enough to awaken her fully, to release the memories that had been held in check by drowsiness, and a soft blush heated her cheeks as she remembered. Yes... remembered _everything._ But if she had not been able to look down into the face of the boy lying beside her, to feel the sensation of skin against skin that had been so unfamiliar at first, she would have been convinced that it had all been a dream.

He was still asleep. Slowly, gently, she disentangled herself from his arms and sat up, turning so that she could watch him more easily. It occurred to her that he looked paler and somehow younger than she had expected. The radiance of the night before had faded, allowing the true extent of his injuries to show through, and she felt almost guilty about what they had done when she remembered that he had been on the verge of death. However, despite his injuries, there was a small, contented smile on his lips, and he seemed utterly relaxed.

She smiled, against her will, and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. Her lips brushed against cool, smooth skin, tickled by the unruly fall of his dark hair. If he had opened his eyes then, he would have been greeted by an ethereally beautiful sight; her long dark hair falling in a thousand thick strands around his face, surrounding him, accenting the curves of her body below. 

But he slept on, no doubt occupied by sweet dreams of his maiden. She smiled again, wondering at the simple joy that the sight of him was stirring within her. Had there ever really been a time when she had felt nothing but irritation toward him? It seemed so impossible now for her to believe that she had not always loved him for his wit, his bravery, his utter devotion to her and to his destiny.

_Destiny..._ She paused, feeling as if a shadow had suddenly passed over the brilliance inside her. Why did that word suddenly make her feel so... strange? Empty, somehow...

Thoughtfully she turned her eyes to her left hand, the hand that housed her sacred powers, lifting it slowly in front of her eyes and gazing into the palm. It was an action that often calmed her, reminding her that she was not helpless. But today it looked like any other hand, small and white and slender. And as she stared at it, it began to tremble.

It was gone...

She crumpled over suddenly, pulling the perfect white sheets tight around her bare shoulders, and her soul cried out for the loss of her innocence.

* * * * *

_Whole._

It was the first word that came to mind when Subaru opened his eyes and found that both were functioning. The world that had been flat and lifeless for so long had suddenly gained a thousand little shadows, nuances and dimensions. But it was more than that. Something in his soul that had been empty was now filled, and while it did not make him happy, it gave him a sort of dark satisfaction all the same. 

"Do you like it?"

He lifted his striking gaze-- one eye flat emerald, the other slyly gleaming gold-- to regard the one who had made it all possible. What would have been unthinkable for modern medicine took a minimum of effort for the /Kamui/, simply because he had wished it to be so.

Subaru's lips twitched into something like a smile. "I do," he said softly.

"I'm glad." Fuuma stepped closer, and his eyes gleamed ferally. "I'll be honored to invite you into our ranks, Sumeragi-san. But first..."

"You want to make sure I'll be loyal," Subaru finished in a toneless voice. 

Fuuma looked faintly amused. "No offense meant, of course. But you of all people should understand that we cannot risk betrayal."

The significant tone in Fuuma's voice gave Subaru the impression that the other man expected him to react to the statement. He did not wish to give Fuuma the satisfaction of getting to him, so he simply nodded calmly. "Tell me what I need to do, and I will do it."

Smile widening, the /Kamui/ moved still closer and whispered into Subaru's ear.

He did react then, eyes widening a little at the poisonous words spoken in such a casual, silky tone. _An innocent..._ He felt a bit of the old Subaru surging up within him, the one that wanted nothing more than to help people, the one who would have considered such an act as Fuuma was expecting from him barbaric and unimaginable. 

Fuuma pulled back so that he could see the expression on Subaru's face. The onmyouji's eyes were fixed on some faraway place beyond Fuuma, betraying none of the contradictory thoughts swirling in his mind. This was the ultimate betrayal. This was a chance to cause pain beyond belief, to destroy a single life and begin a domino effect that could ruin hundreds. The kind and trusting little boy locked deep inside him was horrified; he could feel him recoiling, hear the trembling voice imploring him to turn back, to reject this new destiny. 

And suddenly, from some other part of him, a new voice rose, loud and clear and impossible to ignore. He didn't recognize it at first; it had been so long since he had heard it. For some reason it stirred in him bittersweet memories of love and betrayal, and he realized then that he knew those honeyed but dark tones. He paused, and listened to their words. 

_This is your destiny... you must take it, and not look back... for me... Subaru-kun..._

He closed his eyes for just an instant, feeling a sharp flare of pain deep within him at the sound of the old nickname, spoken with the old tones of amusement and affection. The pain was soon replaced by that odd feeling of wholeness-- not quite happiness, but almost, as close as he could get now, maybe-- and he opened his mind to the voice, and welcomed it, and it became a part of him.

He became aware of a voice speaking outside his mind then, and opened his eyes to the sight of Fuuma smirking at him. "I hate to rush you, but I'm really going to need a decision soon. Say yes, and you'll be one of us, no questions asked. Say no, choose to protect your friends, and you'll die an honorable death at my hands. Really, it doesn't matter to me either way." The younger boy spread his hands wide in a shrugging gesture, watching Subaru with a closeness that betrayed his casual, indifferent words.

_Don't look back, Subaru-kun,_ the voice urged again, and Subaru felt himself sinking into its velvet softness. _We are finally as one-- isn't this what you've always wanted? If you want us to be together-- forever-- you have to forget your old teammates... they are foolish, their crusade can only end in death. Together we will be something that death cannot control.... one life is not such a great price to pay after all..._

One life. Not so long ago, that one life had been his sister's, and Subaru had vowed to find vengeance. He had found it-- or so he thought. Now, that very monster who had destroyed his universe was urging him to respect his memory. To become him.

_For me, Subaru-kun..._

A small shudder seized the onmyouji's painfully slender form, but his eyes on Fuuma's never wavered. "I accept."

_Thank you, Subaru-kun..._

And the boy inside gave one last wailing cry, and died.

* * * * *

"It's... not too late, you know..." 

"Not too late for what?"

She paused, bit her lip, and continued. "For you to... well... go back home with your family where you belong, and let me handle this myself."

He turned his head slightly to look at her as they hurried along, hair ruffled by the wind that was for once not of his own creation. She hazarded a glance at his expression; she had already known that he would be giving her one of those looks, somewhere between deep understanding and long-suffering patience, that always made her feel deeply guilty for some reason she couldn't quite understand. "I already told you, Karen-san. We're a team. There's no reason why you should have to deal with this alone."

Karen sighed. "If you insist." _But I'm not going to let anything happen to you,_ she vowed silently, closing her eyes and concentrating on her movements as they bounded almost effortlessly across the rooftops of Tokyo. _Even if it means I have to..._

She stopped herself, afraid that if she gave the thoughts any substance, they might come true. If given the chance, she knew she would take it without hesitation; however, that didn't mean she was particularly looking forward to death. In fact, it terrified her, but the thought of standing by safe and sound while _he_ was killed was more terrifying somehow. He mattered so much to so many people; she mattered to no one. She had long ago accepted this, and decided that if she could not make a difference in life, she would have to make one in death.

And it hadn't taken much thought for her to realize that he was the only one she wanted to make such a sacrifice for. After all, he was the only one who had seemed to see her as a human being, someone of worth, rather than a monster or a pawn or a piece of meat. She had loved him from the first day she met him, and she'd been in love with him for nearly as long. However, seeing as he was happily married, she wanted nothing more from him than a chance to give back a little of what he had given her.

"Karen-san!" She felt him grab her arm, and realized they had reached their destination. "You nearly went right by it," he scolded good-naturedly. "You're awfully preoccupied..."

Karen attempted a smile. "Just... thinking."

Seiichirou returned the smile, understanding in his warm hazel eyes, and pressed her hand reassuringly. "We'll be fine," he assured her, emphasizing the "we".

_Wish I had your confidence,_ she thought, wondering exactly how he managed to be so cheerful when the very real possibility of death was staring them in the face. Of course, they had taken on the Dragons of Earth before, and had emerged relatively unscathed; however, she had had a strange sense of foreboding ever since Hinoto had given them this mission. 

Restlessly the duo began to circle the roof of the clock tower, pausing every so often to look down at the busy streets below. The clock tower, being the most prominent landmark in Ginza, was certainly the most likely place for the kekkai to be located; however, neither of them would put it past the Angels to come up with some kind of sneak attack, so they were both on the highest alert.

Karen was staring down at the tiny panorama of people and cars and sidewalks when she felt a strong breeze ruffling her hair. Turning around, she expected to see Seiichirou playing with his wind powers again. He was a few feet away, however, occupied with standing guard, and there was no sign of where the breeze that had disrupted the still air had come from. Although it would have been perfectly natural under any other circumstances, Karen felt a chill.

Then the chill multiplied itself several times over, because right before her eyes, contrasting with the extreme blue of the sky, a very small, pink sakura petal was floating gently to the ground.

"Aoki-san..." She edged carefully away from the tiny petal, as if it were a bomb ready to explode. 

"Yes?"

"The Sakurazukamori... is dead... right?"

"Yes. He is dead."

The response came not from Seiichirou, but from somewhere above both of them. They both spun around, seeing nothing at first; then, suddenly, the space that had been occupied by only air was taken up by a tall figure in a long black coat.

Karen gave a little gasp, convinced that she was looking at a man risen from the grave. After closer scrutiny, she realized that this was not Seishirou. Seishirou's face had not had the fragile, feminine beauty of this man's. The single green eye caught her attention, and all at once she recognized Sumeragi Subaru.

"Sumeragi-san..." She heard Seiichirou's surprised voice address Subaru. "Where have you been? We've all been worried about you..."

"No need to worry." He continued to speak in a flat, toneless voice. "It's all been worked out now. Everything."

"I'm glad to hear that," Karen said with a deep sigh of relief. The thought that the Sakurazukamori had returned from the grave had been a terrifying one.

"I'm going to take care of everything," he went on, as if he hadn't even heard her. "I just needed some time to think, but now I've made my decision, and things are going to change."

"Kamui will be glad to know you're back," Seiichirou said in his usual cheerful manner. "He's been really upset, blaming himself and all that. You'll go to see him soon, won't you?"

Subaru smiled, and for some reason Karen felt another chill creep up her spine. "Yes. I will certainly be going to see Kamui soon."

Something wasn't right. Karen kept her eyes fixed on Subaru's slender form, examining him closely, trying to figure out exactly what it was that was bothering her so much about the whole situation. Beside her, Seiichirou kept making cheerful small talk. "Yuzuriha as well. You know she hates to see anyone in pain. She'll be thrilled to know that you're all right."

"Will she?" Again that cryptic, unsettling smile. 

"We all will. You're an invaluable member of our team, Sumeragi-san, and we were all so sorry about what happened to you..."

"No need to be sorry anymore. Everything has worked out... perfectly." His eyes locked onto Karen's suddenly, and with a sharp intake of breath she realized exactly what it was that was different about Subaru.

"Your eye..." she breathed.

Subaru shrugged elegantly. "A simple procedure. I feel so much better now. After all, it's always best to keep your loved ones close."

In the time it took Karen to realize exactly what he meant by that remark, he had disappeared in a swirl of petals. Heart racing, she turned slowly to face Seiichirou. The editor looked bemused; then, slowly, realization spread across his face as well, and he met her gaze with an equal amount of apprehension.

"I think we're in trouble," she said softly.

As if on cue, the sky around the tower faded swiftly from light blue to black, and something like thunder tore through the clock tower and made the ground they were standing on tremble ominously. The outside world slowly melted away into the blackness, and there was only the two of them, alone in a world of nothing.

"What... was that?" Seiichirou asked, voice shaking a little.

"I think... I think it's one of those illusions... a maboroshi..." Karen's voice sounded none too stable either. Her mind was still reeling from Subaru's apparent betrayal, and she was far too aware of the fact that she and Seiichirou were utterly at his mercy. Of course, he had the advantage on his own territory.

"Very good, Kasumi-san." The voice that addressed them now was nothing like Subaru's usual quiet, flat tone. It was malignant, twisted, mocking... truly worthy of a Sakurazukamori. "Of course, I can't expect you to understand it... not the way I do. I can't expect you to recognize the beauty of it." Subaru appeared slowly, still wrapped in the black trenchcoat. His mismatched eyes were lit up with an insane light. "It is beautiful. Just as he was. He was always so beautiful, and always so distant. But now... now he's a part of me, and he can never leave me again. Now we'll be together forever."

_He's lost his mind,_ Karen thought desolately, listening to the new Sakurazukamori ramble on in that same mocking, unhinged tone. _He's gone completely insane. How are we supposed to fight that?_

She felt Seiichirou squeeze her hand, and gratefully returned the gesture. No matter how powerful Subaru may be, no matter how merciless, the simple fact remained that there were two of them, and one of him.

"How sweet," Subaru said venomously, catching sight of the small display of solidarity. "I wonder what your wife would think of that, Aoki-san?" 

Karen felt him flinch a little. 

Subaru's lips curved into a mockery of a grin. "I don't know... Shall we ask her?" And slowly, beside him, another figure faded into view.

Seiichirou went rigid, and his hand in Karen's trembled. 

The woman was not physically restrained, but from the blank look in her eyes and the stiffness of her figure, it was obvious that she was under some kind of hypnosis or spell. She was lovely, small and slim, with long dark hair and delicate features. 

There was a long silence. Subaru was obviously waiting for one of them to break down and speak. Predictably, Seiichirou could not stay silent forever. "Why?" he demanded, in a soft but barely restrained voice. "Why are you... She hasn't done anything! Why bring an innocent person into this whole ridiculous mess?"

Karen felt her heart breaking at the pain and terror in his voice. Unsure of what to do, she finally settled for pressing closer to him in an attempt to remind him that he wasn't alone, as he had done for her only a few moments before. He did not push her away, but did not respond favorably either.

"Why?" Subaru seemed to be honestly thinking it over. Finally he shrugged smoothly and spoke in a pleasant voice. "Because I can."

Karen grabbed Seiichirou's arm just in time to keep him from rushing forward. He whipped around and glared down at her, eyes flashing, looking nothing at all like the gentle and patient man she knew. "Don't get in the way."

She flinched as if she had been slapped, and he must have seen the pain reflected in her eyes, because his face softened and he stopped struggling. "I told you," she murmured. "I'm not going to let you get hurt. If I... if we work together, maybe we'll be able to save as many lives as possible."

"Noble of you, Kasumi-san." Subaru smiled. His hand was trailing absently through the captive woman's long dark hair, and he seemed to know exactly how much the gesture would infuriate Seiichirou. "Such a noble lie you're living."

"You're one to talk about lying, traitor," she spat back.

"Ah, such harsh words. No... I don't believe I am a traitor. If anything, I was betraying myself before... myself and the one I love. But I can't expect you to understand that." He paused, holding Karen's gaze, and spoke in a soft, meaningful, measured tone. "Or can I?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she snapped, fear wrenching her heart at the emptiness behind the multicolored gaze.

"I think you do. You know exactly what it's like to have a Special Person. Someone you love more than life... someone you would do anything for. And you know what it's like to have that person just beyond your grasp. You can't have him, so you're willing to do anything... _anything..._ for him. Even... betray yourself."

"No... I..." She felt lost suddenly, as if the beliefs she had been so firmly clinging to had suddenly crumbled into nothing and blown away.

"We understand each other, Kasumi-san." His voice had become soothing and gentle. "And I'm offering you the perfect opportunity. I can destroy your competition right now, and I can erase his memory so that he never recalls that this conversation occurred. He'll think she died in a car crash, or a freak accident at home. And in his grief, he'll run into the arms of the one person who's always been there..."

Karen felt nauseous suddenly, sickened by the fact that she was even hearing these words, and sickened even more by that malignant little part of her, deep inside, that identified with them. "You're disgusting," she snapped in a voice that trembled with hate.

"No more disgusting than you, or any of us. You all have the potential to pursue your deepest desires. It's just that most of you spend more time worrying about your conscience and the mask of respectability that you wear for the world. I have simply forgone all that." Subaru's eyes returned to Karen's. "I'm offering to make your deepest, most impossible dream come true," he continued in that soft, lulling tone. "And no one will be any worse off for it. I'll even remove the child from the picture, so the two of you can start off fresh." Another figure appeared, a little girl with an open, friendly face and dark brown hair in pigtails.

Seiichirou made a small choked sound, shaking with the pure effort of staying still.

A sudden wave of shame brought tears to Karen's eyes. Suddenly it all seemed to be her fault; none of this would be happening if she hadn't fallen in love with him, if she had been able to control her thoughts... She took a deep breath, in an attempt to pull herself together, and spoke in as even a tone as she could muster. "I won't deny that some of what you are saying is true. I have been jealous. I have wished, sometimes, that things could be different. However, the simple difference between me and you is that I would never allow another human being to suffer in order for me to find happiness. Never."

Although he was still shaking, Seiichirou managed to give her hand another small squeeze. She felt warmth fill her heart at this; it may have been her fault, but at least she had done the right thing.

Subaru made a soft disappointed sound. "Such a shame, Kasumi-san. You just watched your dreams slip through your fingers. And in the end, it's not going to make a difference."

The temporary warmth faded, replaced by cold fear once again. "What do you mean?"

Subaru smiled cruelly. "I mean that it doesn't matter what you want. I'm going to kill them anyway."

Karen tried to cry out, to rush forward, but to her horror she found herself frozen in place. Beside her, she could tell that the same thing was happening to Seiichirou. Horrified, they watched as Subaru gripped the woman's shoulders, and she suddenly came to life, eyes wild with fear. "Where-- what's happening--" She turned, caught sight of her husband and gave him a desperate, pleading look. "Seiichirou... please... help..."

"Shimako..." His strangled cry made Karen flinch; she could feel the frustration and terror he was experiencing as if it were her own. 

Shimako fought, but she was clearly not strong enough to take on a Sakurazukamori, particularly not one as obsessively singleminded as Subaru. Karen could only watch helplessly as Subaru lifted his hand, smirked cruelly, and plunged it through the woman's chest.

The next few moments were a blur; Subaru's concentration had been broken by the act of violence he had committed, so both Seiichirou and Karen found themselves able to move. She didn't know what Seiichirou had done, but she assumed he and Subaru had fought; her only concern was getting the child out of danger, and so she grabbed Yuka while Subaru was otherwise occupied, and ran blindly with the sobbing girl wrapped tightly in her embrace.

She might have been running for seconds or days. In the utter blackness, it was hard to tell. When she felt as if her lungs were going to explode, she had stopped, and collapsed.

Another indefinite stretch of time passed. When she opened her eyes again, both Subaru and the illusion were gone. The sun was just beginning to set over the edge of the clock tower, and life below was going on as usual.

Carefully she got to her feet, set the still-crying Yuka down, and hesitantly approached the motionless figure sitting a few feet away. Seiichirou was slumped over, barely managing to stay upright, arms wrapped limply around his wife's body. He was staring at nothing, a terrifying emptiness replacing the usual warmth and life in his eyes. 

"Aoki-san..." Karen murmured hesitantly, tears running freely down her face. 

He didn't move or respond in any way, not even when his daughter ran up and threw her arms around him, sobbing heartbrokenly. After a few minutes, Shimako's body began to fade, dissolving into a rain of sakura petals that were soon caught by the wind and swept into the air like a snowstorm. A few of them danced teasingly around Karen's head and tangled themselves into her red curls. She shuddered visibly and plucked them out.

And all the time, the sun continued to set slowly, slipping beneath the perfect view of the Tokyo skyline.


	2. Chapter Two

Title: Broken Wings (2/?)   
Author: Kerianne (mpike@froggernet.com)   
Warnings: Shounen-ai, angst   
Pairings (eventual): Seishirou/Subaru (well, sort of ^^;;;), Sorata/Arashi, Seiichirou/Karen, anything else I decide to stick in   
Spoilers: Up to and including the January Asuka installment   
Summary: An eventual AU taking place after the January 2002 Asuka. Subaru's hearing voices, Aoki's grieving, and Arashi's wondering just where her powers went...

/.../ - Seishirou ^^;;;   
*...* - regular thoughts/italics 

Chapter Two:

It had been a successful day, Subaru reflected, calmly smoking a cigarette and watching through the window as darkness crept over his garden. Well, *their* garden now, he supposed.

He smiled. It was awfully quiet tonight. The dark, hungry mutterings at the back of his mind from the ancient power he now possessed (or was it possessing him? he never could remember) had fallen into a drowsy, satiated silence. It was pleased with the offering. And why not? She had been a lovely woman, and her soul had been pure and clean. He imagined that the sakura liked those types best.

In the absence of distraction, he could feel Seishirou's presence within him that much stronger. When he relaxed, clearing his mind of unnecessary thoughts, the voice would come to him. /You did well, Subaru-kun./

"I'm glad you think so." His heart stirred for the first time in years, and for a single dizzying moment he thought he was 16 again. That he really was "Subaru-kun", trusting, naive, childlike. Innocent.

_/You'll always be Subaru-kun to me,/_ Seishirou murmured fondly. /I've missed you, you know./

"We'll never be separated again," Subaru whispered feverishly. A kind of fierce joy was flooding his body, and he welcomed it with open arms.

_/That's right./ _A moment of silence, then... /Let me see you, Subaru-kun./

Wordlessly Subaru stood, left his place by the window, and crossed the room to stand before the full-length mirror on the wall. He looked once, and saw himself through his own eyes-- a pale young man, much too skinny, tired and fragile and weak. His eyes drifted closed, then opened again, and this time he saw what could have been a total stranger staring back at him from behind the glass. Not pale, but fair, with smooth, creamy skin. Not too thin, but just the right size to maintain his graceful, delicate beauty. Perfect.

_/Perfect.../_ Seishirou's voice echoed. /You're still so beautiful.../ Moving on its own, his hand lifted and ruffled soft black hair, slipped down and caressed his cheek, played over the hollow of his neck. All the while, his heart raced in a manner that his own touch could not possibly cause.

"Sei-- Seishirou..." he stammered, hardly daring to speak lest the illusion be shattered and he would find himself alone with his thoughts again.

_/Yes?/_

"Is... is it really you?"

The question hung plaintively in the air for a moment, then was answered by a deep, low chuckle as Subaru's hand moved back up to gently cup his own cheek. /Doesn't it feel like me, Subaru-kun?/

Subaru's only answer was a soft sigh. An unseen wind snuffed the fire in the fireplace, plunging the small room into darkness. His eyes drifted shut, and ghostlike lips pressed themselves gently against his own.

He thought maybe he could get used to this.

* * * * *

"Karen-san! What happened?" Yuzuriha gasped, looking up from the shoujo manga magazine she had been engrossed in with a start. An odd trio had made quite a dramatic entrance to the mansion-- an exhausted Karen with a tear-streaked face, carrying a small, sobbing girl in her arms, followed by Seiichirou, his expression an eerily silent mask of calmness. "Did someone get hurt? What's going on?"

Not answering, Karen crossed the room and gently set the child down on the couch, where she abruptly curled into a ball and cried harder. "Watch her," Karen said, in a voice that rang with barely controlled sorrow and anguish. Seiichirou kept walking, through the room and up the stairs, seemingly oblivious to his daughter's cries and Karen's sadness. A moment later, a door slammed somewhere above them, and Karen gave a jolt as if she'd been slapped.

"Karen-san, what's going on?" Yuzuriha asked again, her wide-eyed gaze flitting between the child on the couch and the fire-mistress's pale face. 

"Nothing. Aoki-san... Subaru..." She stopped, breath hitching in her throat, and continued in a softer voice. "Nothing. I have to talk to him. Watch her, please." She turned swiftly and went up the stairs. Behind her, she dimly heard Yuzuriha yelp, "You saw Subaru-san?" She chose to ignore the question.

The door to the first guest bedroom was closed. Karen pressed her ear against it, but heard nothing but a tense, uneasy silence. Hesitantly she knocked a few times.

No response.

"Aoki-san..." She made an attempt to keep her voice calm and level. "I wish you'd open the door. I just need to know you're all right."

Silence.

"... Even if you're not all right. Please."

When even this plea went unresponded, Karen sighed and put her hand on the doorknob. She debated with herself for a moment, wondering whether she shouldn't just leave him alone for a while to let him come to terms with what had happened; but the sudden terrifying images that floated into her mind were enough to convince her to open the door, if only to make sure he was still functioning and alive.

Seiichirou was sitting on the bed, his back to the door, staring out the window. Holding himself perfectly straight-- too straight, it seemed, painfully so-- without a single sign of tremors or instability in his posture. Karen almost hesitated to approach him; she had the sudden feeling that she would be disturbing a terribly delicate balance, and that one or the other of them would be pushed over the edge if she did anything to upset it. Ultimately, worry won out over this feeling, and she crossed the room and sat down beside him.

He didn't flinch, didn't turn to look at her; it seemed as if he wasn't even aware that she was there. She resisted the sudden urge to scream, instead electing to place a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better," she began, aware that she sounded horribly cliched and insincere, but being at a complete loss as to something more meaningful to say. "I just want to let you know... if you need anything, I'm here."

"Don't bother." She flinched at the flat, empty tone in his voice. His eyes never wavered from their fixed point outside the window, his posture still unnaturally straight. "It was my fault, I deserved it, and I don't want anyone else suffering on my behalf."

Karen felt tears welling up in her eyes again. She forced them down, and leaned forward, speaking intensely. "That's *not* true. What happened tonight was... was an abomination. No one deserves that. Least of all you..." She paused, and swallowed hard. "I don't want you to feel that way," she finished helplessly.

"It doesn't matter. Don't waste your time. It's over now." There was no sign of sadness, anger, or any emotion at all in his tone; nothing more than an indifferent resignation. He could have been talking about the weather, or a tough day at work.

Frustration and worry building within her at his unresponsive attitude, she pulled the curtains shut so hard that the cord nearly snapped, cutting off his view to the outside world. "Stop it!"

"Stop what?" Seiichirou asked calmly, shifting his gaze from the now-blocked window to meet hers. She flinched at the strange sight of familiar eyes, behind familiar glasses, with such an unfamiliar lack of sparkle and warmth.

"Stop pretending you don't care," she murmured, not breaking the gaze, although it unsettled her. "It broke my heart, and I didn't even know her. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. You're never going to recover if you don't..."

"I'm fine." The words, meant to reassure, chilled her to the bone.

"Even if you don't want to talk about it, there are matters you need to deal with," Karen continued desperately. "Your daughter."

"What about her?"

"She needs you. The two of you need to be there for each other--"

"Shimako-san needed me too," he interrupted. "And where was I then? Where was I when the time finally came to act on my promise?" His voice began to tremble a little. "I broke it..."

Karen closed her eyes for a moment. When she looked back at him, there was a deep sadness in her eyes, but she held his gaze firmly. "There was nothing you could do. You can't blame yourself. You lost someone important, someone who you loved very much... but there are still others who are not lost yet. And you still have a chance to try to protect them." She reached out and gently clasped his hand, hoping he wouldn't pull away. "Can you do that?" she asked softly.

The editor's eyes were wide behind his glasses. The experienced, fatherly air that was often around him was gone, replaced for the moment by fear and uncertainty. "I... I don't know," he murmured, finally losing the last of his indifferent mask, and sinking into the bed as if exhausted.

"You can," Karen insisted, squeezing his hand, as he had done for her just an hour or so earlier. "You'll make it. If... if you want me to, I can... try to help you..." She felt suddenly shy, but at the same time she knew she needed to give something back to him in exchange for the void he had filled in her life.

He didn't answer for a long time, staring down at the floor with a blank, dejected look in his eyes. "If you really want to," he responded finally, in a flat tone.

Karen smiled. It wasn't much, but it was a start. Giving his hand another small squeeze and then releasing it, she stood up. "Get some rest. Yuzuriha, Kamui and I will keep an eye on Yuka-chan until you're recovered."

Seiichirou looked up and nodded tiredly. Karen was about to shut the door behind her when his voice stopped her. "Karen-san..."

"Yes?"

"... Thank you."

She couldn't help smiling. "It's nothing. Really. Now get some sleep."

* * * * *

In front of Sorata's bed, Arashi was pacing back and forth. Her throat felt tight, as if she were about to cry. It was still a strange sensation for her. She'd become so used to living life without emotions, and now that Sorata had awakened them--

It was all his fault, she realized, staring down at her hand again, then looking back up to the still-sleeping boy on the bed. She looked away after a moment, ashamed and confused. She still cared for him. Looking at him, knowing he loved her and was there for her, she still felt warm and safe. And yet...

And yet, he had taken away her defenses, and she was no longer safe at all.

"Sorata-san." She spoke without thinking, her voice coming out harsh and tense. He stirred, dark eyelashes fluttering, and winced in his sleep at some twinge of pain from his injuries. "Sorata-san," she said again, in a gentler tone, leaning forward to brush her fingers across his uninjured hand.

His eyes opened, and he smiled. Not as brightly as he usually did, dimmed by pain and medication, but there was a new tenderness in his eyes as he looked at her. "Good morning, Nee-chan... Arashi." She could feel herself flushing; when he used her first name, it sounded intimate and tender. 

"How long have I been asleep?" he continued, stretching a little and wincing again.

"It's nearly dinnertime," she said, a faint smile playing over her features, although the lump in her throat was still intact. Just being around him for a moment had set her at ease at least a little bit.

"Honestly? I feel so lazy!" He chuckled a little. "Really wore me out last night, eh?" 

Arashi's face flushed deeper, and she averted her eyes to the ground, torn between feeling happiness at what they had shared and worry about its implications.

Sorata noticed her discomfort, and was unsure of how to interpret it. In his typically straightforward style, he asked, "Are you all right with it? What happened between us? I know it was all a little sudden..."

She looked up, guilt written all over her face. "Oh... no, no, everything's fine... it was wonderful." She tried to smile, and failed.

"Something's wrong," he said softly, shaking his head. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you into anything--"

"It isn't that." She couldn't disguise the anxiety in her voice. "It's just that... when I woke up this morning, I..." Trailing off, she lifted her hand, looked down at it, then let it fall helpless into her lap.

When Sorata spoke again, it was in a more serious tone than she had ever heard from him. "Arashi. Tell me what's wrong."

"... I lost it," she whispered. "My... powers, my sword... it's gone." The feeling of being near tears had passed, and she lifted her head to look him calmly in the eye. "I'm no longer the Maiden of the Ise Shrine, Sorata."

His reaction was, predictably, one of shock. At first he looked as if he thought she might be joking; then reality set in and his eyes widened, reflecting guilt, sorrow and shame. He didn't speak for a long time, and when he finally did, he sounded like a lost little boy. "Arashi... I... I'm sorry..."

"It's not your fault," she said, but she had to avert her eyes, because it *was* his fault.

"You... you can still make a kekkai, can't you?"

"Yes... at least, as far as I know."

"Right... I doubt you have to be a virgin to be able to make a kekkai... if that was true, Karen-san would be out of luck." Sorata's attempt at humor fell flat in the tense atmosphere, and he quickly switched back to a serious tone. "I... well... I don't know what to say..."

"Neither do I." She met his eyes again, and he could see that she was beginning to close up to him again. Desperately he searched for the right words to say, the perfect line that would make everything right again.

"They say that everything happens for a reason, you know," he began.

Arashi gave a short, humorless laugh. "Destiny. I know. I've heard it all before."

"Destiny will be the death of all of us one day," he said, and she couldn't quite tell if he was joking or serious. "But... we only have so much time. All of us. But especially you and I. And... sometimes, in a situation like ours, you just have to take it one day at a time, and take your happiness where you can find it."

She looked up, a little startled that the normally flippant Sorata was being so philosophical. He smiled at her.

"This doesn't have to be the end. We'll make it through. Remember, I'm supposed to protect you. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is God setting the big plan into motion. We need each other more now than we did before... and I need you to trust me, to take care of you."

"I don't want to be taken care of," she snapped, filled with sudden alarm. "I don't want you to risk your life for me. How can you just sit there and talk about your own death like that?" Her voice built in intensity as she spoke, and she felt again as if she were going to cry.

"I've been hearing about it since I was a little boy, Nee-chan," he said gently, with a sad smile. "I guess you could say I'm desensitized. Besides, it isn't so bad. Not if it's for you."

"Why... why did you choose me?" she whispered, despair coloring her voice.

With some difficulty, Sorata picked himself up from the bed and leaned forward enough to take her into his arms, holding onto her as her tears finally spilled over. 

"I had a feeling," he answered simply, stroking her hair.

~end chapter 2~


	3. Chapter Three

Title: Broken Wings (3/?)   
Author: Kerianne (seiichirou@datenshi.nu)   
Warnings: Shounen-ai, angst   
Pairings (eventual): Seishirou/Subaru (well, sort of ^^;;;), Sorata/Arashi, Seiichirou/Karen, anything else I decide to stick in   
Spoilers: Up to and including the January Asuka installment   
Author's notes: Uh... does anyone remember this fic? ^^;;; I know the last time it was updated was in January, and I've been terribly lazy, but I finally found my fic notes which have been lost for several months and hopefully I'll be working on it quite a bit in the days to come. This chapter is a bit slow, but I'm just trying to get all my subplots set up... expect more action and interesting stuff in later chapters ^_~ Please leave reviews!  
  


Chapter Three:  
  
  
Sighing softly, Kasumi Karen stared into the mirror and applied another stroke of mascara to her eyelashes. Her next customer would be arriving in fifteen minutes, and her makeup and hair were still messed up from the last one. It had been even harder than usual to concentrate on her work that day; in fact, she'd been preoccupied for two weeks straight.

Not for the first time, she found herself wondering how Seiichirou and his daughter had spent the weeks following Shimako's death. She couldn't stand the thought that he might be passing the days alone, sinking deeper and deeper into misery, with only his work and his bewildered daughter to comfort him. 

But then, she knew Seiichirou better than that. He wasn't the type to dwell on suffering and pain. He was so much stronger than anyone else gave him credit for. She remembered his eyes when he had spoken of his nephew's death; she had seen sorrow there, and regret, but also a determination to keep his promise to Daisuke. A determination not to cry. It had been that that had touched her more than anything.

He hadn't cried after losing Shimako, either, but she had never seen him look quite so tired and despairing as he had that night. She had tried to stay awake until he returned from his rest, but the exhaustion of the nights' battle had finally caught up with her. She had awakened to find herself on the couch of the mansion's living room, with a message from Yuzuriha that he and Yuka had left while she had been asleep. He had told the girl to tell Karen not to worry about him.

She knew she should be honoring that wish, but as time passed it became harder and harder not to think of him. Two weeks had passed without a phone call, an invitation for tea, a chance meeting on the street. A few times she had considered calling him herself, or stopping by his apartment, but she always managed to find an excuse not to. The truth was, deep inside, she was afraid he might not welcome her presence in his life anymore, not after all the trouble she had caused him.

I promised to help, she murmured to herself, closing her eyes briefly. But perhaps the only way she could help him would be to stay away from him...

Abruptly the mirror flashed, causing her eyes to fly open. There, replacing the image of a pale and tired face framed by flaming red curls, was an intricate purple mark inscribed in light. Before the mark had faded completely, she had gotten to her feet and was halfway out the door.

Hurrying past her astounded boss, who yelled something she didn't quite catch out the door just before it slammed shut behind her, she stepped out into the cold night air. Her heart had begun to pound faster, keeping rhythm with her steps as she hurried down the sidewalk. She should have been expecting this-- it had been too quiet for the past few weeks, and Hinoto had not yet commented on the events at Ginza or Subaru's betrayal. She supposed that was what this meeting would be about.

The guard at the Diet Building recognized her and let her in immediately (although, from the way he was looking at the way her work outfit clung to her figure, she imagined he probably would have let her in without much fuss even if he'd never seen her before in his life). Karen hurried down the steps to Hinoto's basement, feeling a slight gnawing uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. She didn't like the way the air felt here; it was charged, as if something were just biding its time and waiting to strike. Shivering, she opened the door and stepped into the dimly lit room.

::Karen-dono. I am glad you were able to make it.:: The telepath lifted her head, blind eyes seeming to stare at the soapland mistress in the doorway. Karen barely noticed Hinoto, instead glancing at the figures surrounding the princess's prone form. It didn't take her long to realize that Seiichirou was there. Somehow she hadn't expected that he would be. He began to turn toward her, and she quickly averted her eyes to the ground and took her place as far from him as possible.

::I understand that Sorata-dono cannot be here because he is still recovering from his injuries. I assume that one of you will inform him of what is said tonight. Now that everyone else is here...:: The thought-speech took on a sedate and saddened tone. ::I thought we should meet, especially after the events surrounding the kekkai at Ginza. As you all may or may not know, I sent Karen-dono and Aoki-dono to protect that kekkai. And while it did not fall...:: Her head drooped, bowing toward the ground. ::I see that you all know what came to pass instead.::

Three pairs of sympathetic eyes turned upon Seiichirou's silent form; Karen continued to gaze at the ground, shame and guilt making her face burn and her stomach twist. It was her fault, and all of them knew it; she could practically feel their eyes shifting to her, the blame and disgust she knew they had to feel toward her.

::Karen-dono.:: The voice was directed only to her this time, and it made her flinch. ::Do not blame yourself. There is only one to blame for this tragedy.:: 

Before Karen had a chance to respond, the princess continued speaking to all of them. ::There are things you do not know about what happened at Ginza, however. I will be honest-- perhaps you would be happier not knowing. But in the interest of our battle, you must be informed.:: Her head bowed again. ::I am sorry to be the one to deliver this painful news to you.::

What is it? Kamui burst out in a tense, snappish tone. For the first time, Karen realized how much the boy must have been tormenting himself since her cryptic comment about Subaru.

::Aoki-dono's wife was murdered by a Dragon of Earth.:: Across the room, the windmaster flinched. ::A Dragon of Earth, and a traitor.::

Kamui took a sharp breath, his eyes narrowing.

::I am afraid that one of our own has joined the ranks of the enemy..:: 

Kamui uttered the name softly, a hollow and lost tone in his voice. Yuzuriha gasped.

::I am sorry, Kamui-dono.::

The boy closed his eyes, his thin frame shuddering under the weight of the unwelcome news. Yuzuriha, who was standing closest to him, laid a gentle comforting hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

Finally his eyes flew open, blazing with anger. Did you know about this? he demanded. You must have! You must have known about it just like you knew about Kotori and Fuuma!

::Kamui... I could not...::

I'm tired of this, Kamui interrupted. I don't know why I'm never allowed to know what's going to happen in my own life! If I had known... if I had known Subaru-san was going to... then I wouldn't have... His head bowed slightly, shoulders shaking. I don't understand...

::Fate, Kamui-dono--::

Kamui turned away. I don't want to hear another word about fate, he murmured in a flat voice, and started for the door.

Yuzuriha cried out, and began to go after him.

::Let him go.:: 

Behind them, a door slammed shut, and then silence reigned. 

::He is suffering. He will need you in the days to come, will need you to help him regain the will to fight... but for now he must be left alone.:: Hinoto gave a soft mental sigh. ::You may leave as well. I will contact you if I recieve any more news of the Angels' activities.::

The group slowly dissipated, until only Arashi lingered behind. Frowning slightly, the priestess looked down at Hinoto, at the helpless form with the long white hair swirled around it. Why didn't you? she asked softly.

::What do you mean, Arashi-dono?:: 

Tell him. It wasn't like last time... there was no decision to be made. You could have told him, and saved him all of this misery.

::Could I?:: The princess raised her head, and smiled. ::You know nothing of the future, Arashi-dono. You could not even begin to understand. Do not judge me-- it will all become clear in time.::

Arashi paused, a bit taken aback. Hinoto had never spoken to her like that before. Bowing respectfully, she hurried from the room. 

Something was bothering her, but she couldn't quite figure out what it was.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Staring out the window from her small booth in the cafe, Karen slowly sipped her tea. It was the same place they always met, even the same booth, and she had made sure he noticed where she was going after Hinoto ended the meeting. She had decided that she would wait here for twenty minutes; if he did not follow, she would give up.

It had been fifteen minutes, and there was no sign of him yet.

Another minute passed, and another. Sadly she turned her eyes from the window. It had been wrong to get her hopes up; it was obvious that he no longer wanted to have any further contact with her than their working relationship. Maybe it truly was better this way.

She flinched at the familiar voice, and slowly lifted her head. He was standing beside the booth with a nervous, almost shy expression on his face. Do you-- do you mind if I sit down? I just thought... He trailed off.

Despite herself, her face broke into a bright smile. Of course it's all right, Aoki-san.

The first few minutes were spent in uncomfortable silence, as she continued to sip her tea and he absently toyed with his napkin. 

I... I'm sorry I haven't been around, he said finally, tugging nervously at his tie. I just needed some time. To think.

I understand. She smiled hesitantly at him. How are you doing?

I'm... surviving. He gave a small, wry smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. His gaze had lost the empty, hopeless expression that had scared her so much, but it had also lost the sparkle and warmth she remembered from before. As well as can be expected.

She didn't know what to say to that, so she changed the subject. How is Yuka-chan?

She's... been taking it pretty hard, honestly. It's not easy for children, losing a parent... Seiichirou swallowed hard, and continued. I.. well... that's one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you, actually.

I don't understand... Karen looked at him in confusion.

Yuka's been very lonely lately. And I'm afraid I haven't been much help. I still have a very busy work schedule, and it seems as if I'm always dropping her off at day-care or at a neighbor's. And even when I am around, I'm not in any state to be comforting her or cheering her up. The man sighed, twisting the napkin between his fingers nervously.

Aoki-san... I'm sorry, Karen said softly.

No, I'm not telling you this so you'll pity me. He looked up at her imploringly. I wanted to ask for your help.

She stared at him, and smiled slowly. Of course. Anything I can do.

It isn't for me...

Her heart sank a little.

... but for Yuka-chan. I know you are busy as well, but I'm asking you if you could... visit every once in a while. Just to give Yuka a female influence in her life, and another adult she can trust. She recognizes you. You... you saved her life. I know she'll like you.

Of course, it's no problem. I'm not that busy. But... Aoki-san, I could never be a replacement for Shimako-san, she finished softly, regret coloring her voice.

He looked up in surprise. Of course not, and I don't want you to try to be one. I know Yuka will never forget her mother... I just want to make sure she'll be all right. And I think if she has a... a friend, an adult friend who she can trust... it might make things easier for her.

Karen paused, examining his expression carefully. Perhaps it was only wishful thinking, but she thought that maybe, beyond his concern for his daughter, there was some part of himself that would benefit from having her around. Then and there, she decided that as long as she was a part of his life, she would do everything she could to help him move on. To bring back the happiness in his eyes.

Smiling, she clasped his hand across the table, stopping his nervous movements. I will, Aoki-san. I'll do whatever it takes.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Sumeragi-san, a traitor.

Arashi felt guilty, and she wasn't quite sure why. 

She wondered what it was like on the other side. How could they kill so blindly? Didn't they have anything to live for? Didn't Sumeragi-san have anything to live for? She knew that the death of the man who had been both his enemy and his obsession for so many years had hit him hard, but she had never imagined that he was ready to throw his life away...

Her thoughts strayed to Sorata, and the sadness and strength in his eyes when he spoke of his destiny. She inhaled sharply, a shocking thought invading her mind.

Perhaps, the more you wished to live for something, the more meaningful it became to die for it...

Arashi-san! Kamui-chan won't come out of his room... He won't even answer me! Yuzuriha said worriedly, coming into the Imonoyama mansion's living room and startling Arashi out of her troubling thoughts. The younger girl's eyes were wide with distress, and at her side, her spirit dog companion looked equally unsettled.

Hinoto-hime said he needed to be left alone, Arashi replied, a little sharply. A restlessness was rising within her, a strange compelling urge that, though she did not know what it meant, refused to be ignored.

I know, but... Yuzuriha's brown eyes gazed at the floor sadly. I wanted to help him... I feel so bad thinking about him holed up in his room like that, all alone and sad...

Kamui will be all right, Arashi said distractedly, though she was not convinced. Would he? Would any of them be all right?

Arashi-san, what's wrong? You look sad too... Everyone's so unhappy. I hate this. Yuzuriha's voice rose in frustration. Why did Subaru-san have to go and--

I'm fine. It's nothing. The priestess twisted her hands nervously in her lap, looking down at them as she did. Small, white, helpless hands. Hands that could not save the man she loved from the death that would be for her sake, the death that would be on her conscience forever.

She looked up into the inugami mistress's sad and confused gaze. I'm going to see Sorata, she said.

Yuzuriha said, brightening up a bit. Tell him I said hi!

Arashi nodded shortly and got up, leaving the relative brightness of the living room to wander down the dark hallways towards Sorata's converted hospital room. Her heart was pounding, and she found herself hesitating as she reached the door behind which Sorata was probably asleep. 

She closed her eyes, trying to calm her spinning thoughts. Sumeragi-san a traitor... Aoki-san's wife dead... her own powers gone... Nothing made sense anymore. And the one thing that should have been a comforting constant in this maelstrom, her love for Sorata and his love for her, was only making her heart ache more.

I won't let you die, she whispered. I won't.

And without really knowing where she was going, she turned around, walked away from the closed door of Sorata's hospital room, slipped out a back exit and stepped out into the cool Tokyo night.  


~end chapter 3~


End file.
